You know who you are, you who calls the Great Lakes garbage.
You may be one of those East Coast characters, the type who believes that talking about oneself can mask mediocrity.
Or perhaps you’re of the Southern variety, obsessed with the weather even though we all live indoors at 72 degrees.
You could be more of an economist, measuring success in strip malls and sprawl.
Or maybe you’re an environmentalist, preoccupied with past pollution and the current onslaught of invasive species.
No matter what, whether it’s elitism, climate, construction, or water purity, something inspires you to call the Great Lakes garbage.
And as a Great Lakes guy, I can tell you that you’re right—just not why you think you are.
Let’s start with a map, courtesy the Regional Plan Association.
The Great Lakes megaregion, a binational behemoth whose east-west length extends over 800 miles, is the most populated megaregion in North America.
And even if the entire place cannot be quantified as garbage, there is definitely an uncanny obsession with the stuff.
Out east, in the humble burg of Rochester (NY), residents have resorted to eating it.
Included are two hamburgers or hot dogs; sides like home fries, macaroni salad, and bakes beans; and a meat-based hot sauce.
They call this thing—all 1700 calories of it—the Garbage Plate.
The more health-conscious frequent a local vegan joint for the so-called Compost Plate.
But Rochester, as you know, is a quintessential Rust Belt town, the kind with a rise, fall, and anemic rebirth.
How about a town that is more Rust-Belt-by-association, lumped into the category based on geography but hardly fitting the profile?
Columbus (OH) has been growing since its founding in 1812, crossing the 900,000 population threshold in the 2020 Census. Its metro area now boasts 2.2 million residents and a per-capita GDP that outdoes that of Miami, Orlando, and Phoenix.
Yet even this place, in its relative prosperity, has a strange interest in refuse.
One need look no further than a popular Columbus export, also known as Twenty One Pilots.
The fourth track on their 2025 album, Breach, has something very important to say about the matter. To fully understand, listen from 0:00 – 0:22.
But again, this is Ohio.
How about a more refined spot, one whose per-capita GDP hangs with that of Denver, Austin, and San Diego?
This place, too, has consistently added population since its 1836 founding, its collective intelligence making it nearly the most educated city in the country.
I’m talking, of course, about Madison, Wisconsin.
Lo and behold, even the land of government workers and university elites is preoccupied with waste.
Just ask its pride and joy, better known as Garbage.
So on behalf of all Great Lakes dwellers, let me congratulate you on being right and end by saying:
I’m only happy when it rains
Pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me
The post You’re Right—the Great Lakes Are Garbage appeared first on ComposeMD.