I had no idea, son, that when I bought that $86-round-trip flight, we were about to dominate parents weekend.
Sure, you do go to school somewhere fun, but I think our unique formula is still worthy of a how-to guide.
***
The first step, and perhaps the key one, is to avoid bringing anyone who actually wants to learn about the school. (Here, we got lucky as Mom was unable to make it.)
Next, upon arrival, have the student meet at the hotel. Exchange hugs and all that.
While catching up, proceed to the nearest sports bar.
Stare at the TVs, down some fried food, and appreciate the finer points of life.
Then, stroll to the heart of the action, find a suitable honky-tonk, and park yourselves there for a few hours.
Optional step upon exit: Eat street food.
Finally, head back to your respective dwellings.
Sleep in. Definitions may vary based on age.
The next day, in the mid-afternoon, meet at a different sports bar, one that specializes in college football.
Stare at the TVs, down some fried food, and appreciate the finer points of life.
Later, start walking to the nearest Major League Soccer stadium.
Learn the chants (note: Spanish required) and enjoy the game. To ensure the latter, use legalized gambling to your advantage.
After the game, walk to the nearest sports bar to watch the rest of the college football games.
Eventually, find your way to your respective dwellings.
Sleep in. (Warning: For some, this may be interpreted as waking up early, as NFL games start at noon in the Central Time Zone.)
Head to the local Buffalo Bills bar.
Stare at the TVs, down some fried food, and appreciate the finer points of life.
Exchange hugs, mention how you’ll see each other soon, and call it a parents weekend.
***
Anyway, let me know if I left anything out.
And when you get a chance, send me the name and address of your school.
Love,
Dad
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